Chapter
2
“No More Snacks”
Have you ever had a snack that taste so
good, that it made your forget that you were waiting on the Main Course?
I
absolutely love sweets. In fact, anyone who has known me for any length of time
would be able to tell you that I could live off of cupcakes alone. When I go
away to various places on vacation, one of the first things that I do, is go to
the bakery that is said to be the best in town. I don’t know what it is but I
just love a good dessert. I live in a small city called Prince George in
Northern BC and when I learned that there was a restaurant here that had white
chocolate mousse cake and a “cup-cakery” that was literally a 3 minute walk
from my office, I could have floated in thin air. It was like music to my ears.
Once I began to indulge in the amazing goodies
that were made available to me daily, my appetite and craving started to
change. I no longer had the hankering that I once I had. I had been snacking so
much, that not only did my appetite for food decrease but also for what I once
enjoyed every day. The dessert in the beginning of my day, afternoon, or
evening caused me to lose sight completely of the fact that I had not eaten
dinner or that I had no desire to eat dinner because I had allowed myself to
become “full” off of 3-4 cupcakes! I
know that sounds intense, but it’s literally the truth. Sometimes I would even
have 5. I know, I know, horrible but don’t judge me. I am no longer the same,
trust me. I’ve learned to say, “No More Snacks” today.
However,
it’s unfortunate that some of us will live our lives this way, unable to say no
to artificial fillers in different areas of our lives. We will indulge in
things that are artificial fillers that satisfy our desires temporarily. In
this way, we cheat ourselves. It’s almost as if we are living for the day or
moment, as if that which we desire will run out or no longer be made available.
It may have something to do with a lack of balance with that which is healthy
and that which is a now and again treat. If we never take the time to enjoy the
balance of both it can become quite a detriment to the life you were created to
have.
The
reason why I indulged in dessert the way that I did was because I had an “I
just can’t get enough” mentality. This mentality 9 times out of 10 leads to
nothing positive, whether it is food, relationships, or money. The fact that
God vetoes our plans is a clear indicator that most of the time; we are unaware
of the unforeseen harm that will take place at some point. As a single woman, I
would often ask God if marriage was a part of the plan, but then I realized
that the response didn’t matter. Reason being, is at the moment I said “No More
Snacks”, I decided to not limit that to dessert (because my life has no limits)
but also in my emotional availability for a relationship. This does not mean
that I am not open to the possibility of some day being married, in fact I
welcome it. However, during this season of my life that level of availability is
on reserve and I am content and filled with joy as a result of this season of
my life. You will hear more about that in just a few. This is where this
chapter will begin to hit home for some of you both married and single people.
Our
indulgent cravings are not limited to what we eat, in fact some of you won’t be
able to relate to the food aspect of it. Maybe you are a nutritionist by
profession or health sensitive to what you take in. However, this does not mean
that there are no snacks in your life. It just means that your snack may be a
bit more discreet. Perhaps, you are like me, determined to only be in a
relationship that exemplifies your personal view of your own worth and value.
Perhaps, you have been single for a while by choice but you allow people into
your mental space by making your time available to them, only to find out that
they were either using you as a snack or you had allowed them to become a snack
in your life. This happens quicker and more subtle than one can imagine.
Anything
or anyone that you allow into your life has the potential of either helping you
grow because they possess natural abilities to do so, or helping you indulge in
that which can only artificially satisfy for your craving. Notice that I made a
point to say “they possess natural abilities to do so”, in reference to helping
you grow. This is not something that you can bring out of another, it is a
natural ability that one possesses by gift or by the way in which he or she has
been raised. Too often, we try to help a person be who and what we think they
should be when in actuality they either don’t see it for themselves or don’t
want it. Can I take a minute and self disclose about what was revealed to me a
little while back concerning decisions that I had made? When I tell you, my
eyes were opened; I really mean my eyes were opened!
I have met many
people along the way that had a lot going for them and were easy on the eyes, I
might add. However, it didn’t take long for me to see that there was no
possibility of anything more than casual conversations here and there. However,
in knowing that from almost the beginning I continued to snack on the non-existent
possibility. This led me to the realization that what I had been doing with my
desserts, I had also been doing in allowing myself to become emotionally
available to nonexistent potential. You see, in the same way that I had been
indulging in desserts, creating a lack of hunger or appetite for the main
course that was being prepared is the same way in which I would allow myself to
carry on conversations with people in whom I knew had nonexistent potential to
be my life partner.
The interesting
thing about this concept in reference to making one’s self available
emotionally is that the emotional attachment acts as a filler just a junk food
or dessert. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have met some amazing people along the
way. However, I must confess that I allowed some of them to occupy a space in
my life that created a lack of availability to receive what God possibly has
for me in the long run, due to already being artificially full by their “sweetness”.
Don’t look at me sideways because we are all guilty at some point or another in
saying, “Well maybe this or that” in reference to what could possibly change
our initial “This isn’t him or her” response. However, the key in understanding
this process is being able to be honest with yourself concerning your personal
thoughts and feelings. I have found in counseling both married and single
people that most decisions are based on a place of vulnerability, lack of
trust, insecurity, or loneliness that has not been confidently shared with one
who can be trusted. Each and every day that concerns remain unspoken; there becomes
an unstable bridge that is bound to collapse.
The fact that I
personally decided and committed to no longer snack in the context of emotional
availability relationally speaking, gives a freedom from ever thinking of what
should have been done or said differently or should not have been done or said
at all. There has not always been a confidence in being able to say that but at
this point; I realize that living a life without limits removes the risk of me
getting in the way. Have you ever thought to yourself after making a decision,
“What were you thinking” and then answering your own question with “I wasn’t,
that’s the problem?” If so, this alone proves the fact that many times we tend
to get in our own way. Furthermore, we tend to not have a solution as to how we
are going to get out of it and then we end up feeling guilty. This is not the
invitation that is being allotted to you.
On the contrary, life without limits offers
you the ability to be free from yourself and from making attempts to try and
figure out a solution for every problem that comes your way. You become free
from limits because you are becoming free from yourself. A life without limits
means a life that welcomes less of you and more of Him. This is not an easy
process. It is never easy to let go of what been routine. However, once you let
your plan go and welcome a new life, this process will become much easier.
You are probably
thinking to yourself at this point and saying, “So, does this invitation really
mean that I don’t have to make any decisions?” Yes, that is exactly what I am
saying. However, don’t be misled; a lack of decision making does not mean a
lack of responsibility and accountability for one’s actions. This life that you
are welcoming will require you to let go of what you think is for you and what
you think is not for you. That mindset alone is limited, not to mention the
actions and lifestyle that comes along with it. So, let’s begin this journey by
taking a moment and jotting down a few things (Don’t worry this is not for you
to give to anyone, this is a private exercise for you).
Take out a sheet
of paper and write down where you currently are financially (meaning in debt,
financially free, or on the way to financial freedom), relationally (married,
single, divorced, widow, broken, etc.), emotionally (depressed, stressed, suicidal,
encouraged, burdened, excited, etc), in reference to faith (Religious beliefs,
undecided, seeking/exploring, etc.), and lastly confidence (high, low,
non-existent, seasonal, etc). After you have taken some time to jot down your
response to the various categories, I now want you to write over your response
in big bold letters “LIMITED”. The response that you just gave for this brief
exercise allows you to visualize how you have allowed your state of mind and
everything else to identify you, discourage you, encourage, become a lie that
you live, or even a fear that you have fed into. Stop doing that to yourself.
You are and will never be identified by what you have or the experiences that
have tainted your outlook on life. Let’s move pass those roles, titles, and
feelings and say “No More Snacks”. It is now time to feed yourself that which
will bring forth growth rather than welcoming situations, people, or self doubt
that will stunt your growth.
Maybe you never
felt like you had worth or value outside of a relationship. Maybe you have
lived your entire life in the shadows of what other people have thought about
you. Maybe you have allowed yourself to snack for years and at this point you
realize that you have neglected everything and everyone that could add
substance to your life. Well, if you have Stop. You are so much better than
what you think and you are worth more than amount of men or women whose
attention you can draw. Those have been artificial tools that have been used to
keep you stuck, and quite frankly you should be tired by now; tired of always
feeling empty and tired of reaching goals that have been created out of
frustration, hurt, and rejection majority of your life. It’s time to give all of
that up. There is a feast that awaits you.
Almost
everything you’ve tried has failed, so why not try something that requires less
of you? The relationship didn’t work, your job drains you every day, your
parenting skills could use some help and the amount of debt that you’ve racked
while trying to keep up with the “JONES” has left your account depleted of all
disposable income. It’s time to place it all in God’s hands. Stop trying to
fight what is clearly defeating you. I know you’ve been raised to never throw
in the towel but when you are throwing it into the hands of God, it becomes a
gain, not a give up!
You may feel
like up to this point in your life, so many of your plans have been vetoed by God, that you’ve lost your motivation to
plan again, but may I remind you that accepting this invitation to live a life
without limits, means a life without plans! In fact, it’s a good thing that
your plans were vetoed. Can you imagine where you would be today if you would
have stayed on that miserable job, or still taking those anti-depressants
despite the side effects, and let’s not even mention your plans to stay in that
relationship that was stripping you of all dignity? Life would have been
extremely limited to the point of not being able to actually classify it as
even living. You must understand who you are and what you have been created to
become.
Time and time
again I think of how small and limited my plan was in comparison to what God
has done; what a snack that would have been! Life was not meant to be limited
to what we can do or what we have been naturally gifted to accomplish. Life was
meant to be full of surprises, twists and turns that keep you on the edge of
your seat waiting for what’s next, not bored by the routine that has been
created. It’s time to live! Don’t allow yourself to spend another day snacking
on that which is temporary, when you have been created to feast off life. Make
up in your mind to say, “No More Snacks”.
